“That’s right. You didn’t know it belonged to anyone. And the world is just full of free cars. They’re like picking daisies at the side of the road,”

… it did not pay to be too impressed with a man just because he could ride a unicycle.

“A Porsche is just a half ton of worthless iron if there’s no gas in the tank.”

I haven’t been in so much pain since Guns and Roses broke up.”

“I brought you some wonderful loose teas—” “Tea! You think I want tea?” “Why not? You’re English.” “And so you think I drink tea? What, do you imagine I used to wander around in the London fog in a deerstalker cap, talking to my mates in iambic pentameter? We have Starbucks, woman.”

Nothing makes a person feel more low and ashamed than disappointing the old man. It’s like telling a department store Santa you know his beard is fake.”

“You don’t think she means well?” “I’m certain she means well. When your government was waterboarding poor sods to find bin Laden, they meant well.

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